Welcome to BenWoods.com

It's August 21, 1858, in Ottawa, Ill. You had planned on eating your lunch, which consists of whatever they ate in 1858, plus a box of Twinkies, but instead you are attacked by the flock of people heading to the public square. The sun is shining brightly so brightly, you decide it must be 1:55 p.m. You notice two people on stage, both men in their 40s. One of those guys looks just like Abraham Lincoln.

Wait a minute, it is Abraham Lincoln!

Riding in a car during a long trip is a lot like sitting in front of a computer for a day. You know, staring aimlessly at whatever is in front of you thinking of a million different places you'd rather be and yelling to no one in particular because you've just encountered the Leave-on-Your-Left-Turn-Signal entourage.

I'm not going to lie, I'm short on time this week because, well, I'm on vacation. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't give all six of you something to ponder for at least the next eight minutes.

I've been trying all day to download Macster, a cousin of Napster. It's just not working. At least I have been able to get a few other things taken care of, such as shearing my sheep.

I'm becoming rather disappointed in the Internet's search engines. The other day, I couldn't find my keys, and neither could any of them.

Now that it's official, and Pluto has been assigned a number as a dwarf planet, it's important to sort out exactly what happened, and why. And for all you Pluto lovers out there, please, hear me out before attempting to strangle someone with your outdated solar system model.

One big disadvantage working at night is the television quality when I arrive home. Sometimes there could be a "Perfect Strangers" rerun or two, and possibly an old game show, but most channels are overrun by infomercials.

Webster defines an infomercial as "a long television commercial, often made to resemble a talk show, educational demonstration, interview, etc." Kudos to Webster's assessment. The only words missing from the definition are "trash," "ridiculous" and "cheap."

I received an email recently about a new movie and a contest for a trip to New York. The new movie, "Fix" starring Olivia Wilde, seems like it could be pretty decent. It's based on a true story, centering around the director trying to bail his brother out of jail in a single day.

I've decided to go a little different route with "The Developers" than your normal let's-just-sell-in-the-bookstore approach. There are numerous reasons I'm trying this, but it comes down to two major ones:

1. Bookstores end up taking a huge portion of the money.

2. Bookstores bury books that aren't being sold at record-setting paces.

Sitting in front of a computer all day (not to be confused with Otis Redding's "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay") isn't that glamorous. In fact, it's pretty easy to relax, lose focus on what you are typing slightly, hIT teh wrogn keys, and ... er, what was I saying?

Oh yes, the issue of people falling asleep at their cubes. Wouldn't it be nice to have nap time? At least in New Jersey, bosses aren't enamored with the notion of providing beds for employees.