You made it! Thanks for visiting.
Welcome to BenWoods.com
I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.
What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?
Is this what the world is coming to? People sitting 6 inches away from each other will not talk to each other but instead, write short e-mails?
Sent: November, Wednesday 1, 2000 11:41 AM
To: Someone else
Did you see that?
Maybe you are one of those people who are completely terrified of computers, the Internet and lemon-flavored cough drops. If so, you probably are no where near being able to read this column, and if I had to guess, you are most likely hiding in a basement in Turkey. That is, if they have basements in Turkey. So if you know someone like this, please print this column immediately and send it to them because it could save their life.
I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.
Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.
Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.
Sometimes Web sites don't work. They just don't. There are plenty of reasons, including " the sun was in my eyes," why a particular site will not work. It's definitely frustrating when you know other sites are working, except the one you want to go to, The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page, just won't boot.
From the Archive
You might as well face it, the U.S. is addicted to email.
In a recent study compiled by Opinion Research Corp., the chasm between casual and nonstop emailers appears to have grown. Here are some of the important numbers from the study:
- Forty-one percent of those polled check email immediately upon rising in the morning.
- Roughly 25 percent cannot go more than a day or two without checking email.
Do you frequently need help with your computer? Does your monitor and/or hard drive occasionally stop working? Are you currently pulling a blanket over your head as you sit in the closet? Then you have come to the right place.
If you've never had any technical difficulties with your computer, you fall into one of two categories:
1. You have never used a computer.
2. You used a computer once and realized it wasn't cooking a grilled cheese sandwich properly.
There's a lot of talk about truth going around these days. Not that it is any different than any other period of mankind's history, at least after truth was invented. It's mildly interesting to imagine how truth started.
"Me kill buffalo! Me eat buffalo!"
"No, me kill buffalo! You don't eat buffalo!"
"No, me kill buffalo!"
This surely ended with one caveman eating the buffalo, and the other grabbing a Happy Meal at McDonald's.
In another move toward 1984, Congress continues to endorse ISP snooping, which could attempt to keep tabs on everyone's online activities.
As reported on CNET, government officials are working toward determining how best to aid investigations into child pornography on the Internet. Allowing ISP snooping, however, would leave open the possibility of the government to track everyone's information.
Now that it's official, and Pluto has been assigned a number as a dwarf planet, it's important to sort out exactly what happened, and why. And for all you Pluto lovers out there, please, hear me out before attempting to strangle someone with your outdated solar system model.