Welcome to BenWoods.com

Sometimes Web sites don't work. They just don't. There are plenty of reasons, including &quot the sun was in my eyes,&quot why a particular site will not work. It's definitely frustrating when you know other sites are working, except the one you want to go to, The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page, just won't boot.

"Believe it or not, I'd rather clean a bathroom than watch a football game."
-- whatever man said this would probably prefer to remain anonymous

I'll give you three guesses to determine where I found this quote. No, not the bakery. No, not the thesaurus. Yes, an online dating service!

I'm the kind of person who likes to know how something works. In a world where many things cannot be explained -- volcanoes, the afterlife, females -- it's good to know there is a logical explanation for Internet linking.

Linking is not a new concept. Marco Polo is said to have marveled at Asia's ability to store files and download directions from Mapquest. How do you think he made it back?

It's difficult to get a good read on the American public when trying to figure out how many people really care about the Olympics. But if any of these people want to explore the Internet looking for more information, they have plenty of options.

Let's get to the point quickly here -- all Web sites look different depending on various factors: the type of computer you are using (Mac vs. PC), the type of browser you are using (Netscape vs. Internet Explorer vs. WebTV vs. others), the types of extensions you have enabled (Java vs. QuickTime vs. others), your favorite soft drink (Coke vs. Pepsi vs. RC). It's complicated because there are so many variables, more than you had during your entire high school math career.

With the recent surge in reality television, I have decided to create my own

hit series called "The Communicator." I need someone to be in charge

of my phone decisions. So every time a telemarketer calls, urging me to move

my phone plan to another galaxy, I will transfer them directly to The Communicator.

At that point, I would hope the telemarketer would be told that I'm locked

into a contract until the year 2348, but that it was OK to call back after

that time.

HONK!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!? DON'T CUT IN FRONT OF ME YOU $#%#$@!!! HONK!!! HONK!!!

If this is you, and you also happen to find yourself saying these things often -- OK, every single time you drive more than 33 inches -- then you may be enthused to know I would like to do something about it.

Yes, soon there could be a way to get back at all of those people who pull up right on your bumper; who say using a turning signal is merely a fad; and who think the word "yield" means "go" and the word "merge" means "get outta my way."

Sometimes we take for granted our ability to type in domain names in our native language. It's true that the most of civilization accepts English as the way of the Internet, but researchers agree that it doesn't necessarily have to stay like that.

Of course, this means that in the near future, you might be able to type accented letters, Chinese characters and even cave paintings into your web browser.

The Recording Industry Association of America hasn't been making too many friends these days. I guess I should say that the organization does have many friends inside the music industry, because that's who makes up the the RIAA.

I'm not here to argue whether it's right or wrong to download free music where it's available, or whether it's OK to listen to your friend's "Beach Boys Greatest Hits Album." I'm just here to point out what the RIAA wants you to believe about the cost of music and CDs.

I will be at the Elizabethtown, Ky., Waldenbooks in Towne Mall 5-7 p.m. Aug. 4 to discuss and sign my latest book, The Developers. The humor-fiction novel mixes the insane and obscene with technology, romance and pop culture. But while the book's web development group tries to make its mark on the virtual world, it encounters pre-eminent issues that will soon be shaping the Internet of the future: Are individuals losing their remaining privacy due to the World Wide Web? Will online social interaction eventually replace in-person gatherings as a necessary means?