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"Believe it or not, I'd rather clean a bathroom than watch a football game."
-- whatever man said this would probably prefer to remain anonymous

I'll give you three guesses to determine where I found this quote. No, not the bakery. No, not the thesaurus. Yes, an online dating service!

I'm the kind of person who likes to know how something works. In a world where many things cannot be explained -- volcanoes, the afterlife, females -- it's good to know there is a logical explanation for Internet linking.

Linking is not a new concept. Marco Polo is said to have marveled at Asia's ability to store files and download directions from Mapquest. How do you think he made it back?

It's difficult to get a good read on the American public when trying to figure out how many people really care about the Olympics. But if any of these people want to explore the Internet looking for more information, they have plenty of options.

Let's get to the point quickly here -- all Web sites look different depending on various factors: the type of computer you are using (Mac vs. PC), the type of browser you are using (Netscape vs. Internet Explorer vs. WebTV vs. others), the types of extensions you have enabled (Java vs. QuickTime vs. others), your favorite soft drink (Coke vs. Pepsi vs. RC). It's complicated because there are so many variables, more than you had during your entire high school math career.

It's August 21, 1858, in Ottawa, Ill. You had planned on eating your lunch, which consists of whatever they ate in 1858, plus a box of Twinkies, but instead you are attacked by the flock of people heading to the public square. The sun is shining brightly so brightly, you decide it must be 1:55 p.m. You notice two people on stage, both men in their 40s. One of those guys looks just like Abraham Lincoln.

Wait a minute, it is Abraham Lincoln!

I have a subscription to Harper's Magazine, and I try to read it as regularly as possible (although that's tough when we're all in similar boats with a million things going on). In this year's February edition, I came across a pretty good article titled "Sick in the head: Why America won't get the health-care system it needs" by Luke Mitchell.

The definition of "friend" has been watered down a bit with the advent of online social networking. It seems that now, your friend might be someone with whom you've never met, even someone with whom you've never communicated, with the exception of a simple button click on a website. This can be a good way to meet people, but it's a bit weird to call a person a friend when it's quite possible the individual on the other side could be an enemy, a fish or a hat.

Why do so many people use AOL? Do they think that's the only Internet Service Provider in existence? Are they entranced by receiving CDs in the mail, thinking if they just join, they won't receive them anymore? Is that little yellow guy, who apparently is always running to find his face, which happens to be the Wal-Mart logo, just too cool to pass up?

Batteries don't seem to last long these days. Even if you have rechargeable batteries, they lose life the more you use them. My information on batteries is a little outdated, as I haven't graphed circuits since college.

Most people know of the Internet only from the mid '90s on. But actually, the Internet started long, long ago, in a galaxy, well, that you live in.

I recently came across a page on UCLA's website that showed the first words uttered on the Internet. The day was Oct. 29, 1969, which also happens to be my mom's birthday. The researchers sent an "l" and an "o" before the system crashed. Apparently they were trying to login, and, much like any old computer I've used, it crashed almost immediately.