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December 11, 2000

Today, we will start with a short rhetorical quiz. This means you actually don't have to say the answers out loud or bubble in letters on a standard form. All you have to do is keep reading, and the answers will be revealed!

Question 1: How is a font used in HTML?

A. To carry holy water from URL to URL

B. Either to sacrifice a runner to second or third, or you can try the suicide font, which means someone scores

C. To define what text will look like on a certain page

December 4, 2000

Every year on the day after Thanksgiving, the media covers 13,205,129,675 stories about how it's the busiest shopping day of the year. A story in the paper says Biff Smith got to K-Mart at 2 a.m. so he could be first in line to buy the newest Pokemon stuff for his son. Then there's a TV shot of Emma Jean Santaclaus, who purchased $5,000 worth of Barbie accessories for her 27 children. Then on radio, an anonymous man outside any mall says, "Yeah, it's pretty crowded in there. I guess I picked the wrong day to get my watch fixed."

November 29, 2000

A rarity on the Web is a site that can keep one entertained for longer than 20 minutes. The only chance most sites have at this is by spending 18 minutes loading some cool program that can do your laundry while you wait.

November 20, 2000

Those of you who have mastered the art of building a Web site have probably encountered the most important tool known to designers: the protractor.

Coming in second would have to be tables, the backbone to many pages you have visited in your lifetime, or at least within the last three weeks. Tables are the most primitive of the HTML tags because people like to have things in nice readable fashion, excluding tabloid magazines. Most people prefer tabloids that look similar to newspapers more than 40 years ago, which contained at least 343 headlines on each page.

November 13, 2000

I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.

What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?

From the Archive

April 30, 1999

There's nothing worse than people complaining about a product because it works too well.

For instance, there's glue. Try using that stuff that holds elephants from a trapeze by their teeth. If you accidentally glue the elephant's ear to the swing, the immobile animal will be stuck forever.

Another example is plastic wrap. You try to wrap something in it, but the stuff just clings together. Being persistent, you try to unwrap it. But the static forces that bind the universe won't allow a simple tug to do the trick.

August 5, 2004

There has been a lot of speculation lately about how much Google is worth, what will happen when the company goes public with shares, what's the difference between a google and a gaggle, etc.

So I did a Google news search on Google. Apparently the financial world is no longer so smitten with the search engine and more company. It seems the IPO figure Google is expecting is unflated, and on top of that, the company is buying back shares offered in advance to employees.

December 21, 2004

If you are going to be away from your computer for an extended period of time during the holidays, you may want to check out a site before you go.

February 5, 2009

Google recently announced a new product available for a number of cell phone devices called Google Latitude. The program allows you to see other people, assuming they have opted into the system, on a Google-generated map.

September 13, 2008

Google has created a lot of neat stuff lately. OK, the company has created a lot of neat stuff for the past few years, including, most recently, a new web browser. But please, download Chrome on your own time, because I want to talk about Google's bread and butter: the search.