Welcome to BenWoods.com

You made it! Thanks for visiting.

December 11, 2000

Today, we will start with a short rhetorical quiz. This means you actually don't have to say the answers out loud or bubble in letters on a standard form. All you have to do is keep reading, and the answers will be revealed!

Question 1: How is a font used in HTML?

A. To carry holy water from URL to URL

B. Either to sacrifice a runner to second or third, or you can try the suicide font, which means someone scores

C. To define what text will look like on a certain page

December 4, 2000

Every year on the day after Thanksgiving, the media covers 13,205,129,675 stories about how it's the busiest shopping day of the year. A story in the paper says Biff Smith got to K-Mart at 2 a.m. so he could be first in line to buy the newest Pokemon stuff for his son. Then there's a TV shot of Emma Jean Santaclaus, who purchased $5,000 worth of Barbie accessories for her 27 children. Then on radio, an anonymous man outside any mall says, "Yeah, it's pretty crowded in there. I guess I picked the wrong day to get my watch fixed."

November 29, 2000

A rarity on the Web is a site that can keep one entertained for longer than 20 minutes. The only chance most sites have at this is by spending 18 minutes loading some cool program that can do your laundry while you wait.

November 20, 2000

Those of you who have mastered the art of building a Web site have probably encountered the most important tool known to designers: the protractor.

Coming in second would have to be tables, the backbone to many pages you have visited in your lifetime, or at least within the last three weeks. Tables are the most primitive of the HTML tags because people like to have things in nice readable fashion, excluding tabloid magazines. Most people prefer tabloids that look similar to newspapers more than 40 years ago, which contained at least 343 headlines on each page.

November 13, 2000

I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.

What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?

From the Archive

March 27, 2005

I've never been much of a snooze bar pusher, but I can't say the same for some of my college roommates. I never understood why they would purposely set their alarms early and then be awakened six or seven times before actually waking up. That's more than an hour's worth of sleep lost to, in my opinion, just being lazy.

October 15, 2001

I haven't written too much lately about technical support issues, so I decided I would tell you a little bit about a normal day here at the office.

First off, I think I have the second-biggest office in the place, behind the publisher. But that's only because I used to share an office with my boss, and he's not here anymore. There are four computers (two G4s, an iMac and a PC), six monitors and six chairs. I try not to use them all at once, but sometimes, I can't help myself, especially during puppet shows.

October 6, 2004

See that guy in the office next to you? He might be crazy, but he's not quite as crazy as he was a few years ago.

According to my extremely scientific Ultimate Crazy Survey, readers have decreased their craziness by almost three points, from 37 to 34.3. These results were determined by taking the square root of each participant's name, converted into ASCII values, multiplied by a factorial of Avogadro's Number, depending on what time zone you live in. Or maybe it was just by taking point totals from each question, I cannot remember.

January 22, 2001

There are thousands of way to make your Webpage interactive these days, from Java applets to Flash to sticking your head through your computer screen and giving the monitor a twirl. But today we will be discussing forms, one of the most elementary ways to conduct hand-to-hand combat on the Internet warfront.

September 29, 2004

It's not Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage, but Microsoft and Amazon, two world Internet corporation leaders, have filed a dual lawsuit against a Canadian company to again try to halt spam.