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June 4, 1999

One man's meal has become another man's menace.

Go visit Key West, Fla., and see the melees on the streets. The town is not infested with teen-aged gangs causing trouble. Instead, chickens decorate the roads like I-74 construction cones.

The Associated Press reported the problem, according to one local, is that the chickens "are meaner than anything." The local law allows no chicken harassment. Some residents throw ice cubes at the birds because the cubes melt, unlike rocks or javelins.

June 1, 1999

Some people eat peanut butter sandwiches without the jelly. Others think Cher was better without Sonny.

But "The Jerry Springer Show" without fights? Could that be possible?

May 24, 1999

"Star Wars" has been in theaters for two days now. Is anyone still counting? Die-hard fans have probably already memorized the movie and are currently petitioning for title roles in the next installment.

The rest of us, "Star Wars" fans or not, have moved on with our lives. The movie was good, the special effects and sound were excellent, but there are other things to do, like clean the bathroom or raise porcupines.

May 18, 1999

Fold out a brown cardboard box.

Add five strips of tape - three long ways, two short ways - to the bottom.

Stack a layer of canned goods, maybe some baby food and toiletries, followed by a layer of clothes or towels or another random packing item.

Seal the box with five more pieces of tape, load it and be ready for another.

Crawfordsville residents weren't moving, but they were following a recipe for others who were. No one really knew who they were helping, but the cars of goods rarely stopped last weekend at the Hoosiers Helping the Heartland drive.

May 7, 1999

Most people probably think Crock-Pots, stoneware slow cookers, are about as interesting as clothes hangers. They take up space, are decorated with small vegetable pictures and stand out like a drunk at a frat party.

But the real question concerning the cookware is — how come everything you put in a Crock-Pot always tastes like ... a Crock-Pot?

From the Archive

July 9, 2001

Click here for column

1. Almost half of the people who answered my first survey use the Internet trying to learn more about computers and stuff. I hope this column has also helped you learn a little as well.

2. Porn sites are updated daily, but the World Badminton page may never be updated again.

August 28, 2007

Really, it's not that difficult anymore! I thought about putting together an entire list of things that you need to remember. But that won't be necessary anymore. I can just link you to this short movie, and you can get started immediately.

August 9, 2006

My brother, Chris, recently recounted a tulmultuous occurrence in our lives. Here's the text of that fateful day.

October 22, 2001

Comments

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Hey Ben, I think you might be a little crazy, :) Did you ride the short schoolbus when you went to school? :)

I think this Bed Woods person is the one who's crazy. I mean, who would make such a survey?!

Should I really worry about the black helicopters flying over Utah?

Everyone is crazy but thee and me, and thee more than me.

December 16, 2004

I'm getting extremely close to finally publishing the book I've been writing for at least five decades. I feel like there are just a couple of things left to do, but at the same time, I'm not quite close enough to smell the paper on the newly printed book.

Here's another sample. Actually, this is from the beginning of the book. I will have a couple more updates in the near future regarding the book, including how you can get a free copy. Hey, I need to figure out some way to get people to read it!