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June 4, 1999

One man's meal has become another man's menace.

Go visit Key West, Fla., and see the melees on the streets. The town is not infested with teen-aged gangs causing trouble. Instead, chickens decorate the roads like I-74 construction cones.

The Associated Press reported the problem, according to one local, is that the chickens "are meaner than anything." The local law allows no chicken harassment. Some residents throw ice cubes at the birds because the cubes melt, unlike rocks or javelins.

June 1, 1999

Some people eat peanut butter sandwiches without the jelly. Others think Cher was better without Sonny.

But "The Jerry Springer Show" without fights? Could that be possible?

May 24, 1999

"Star Wars" has been in theaters for two days now. Is anyone still counting? Die-hard fans have probably already memorized the movie and are currently petitioning for title roles in the next installment.

The rest of us, "Star Wars" fans or not, have moved on with our lives. The movie was good, the special effects and sound were excellent, but there are other things to do, like clean the bathroom or raise porcupines.

May 18, 1999

Fold out a brown cardboard box.

Add five strips of tape - three long ways, two short ways - to the bottom.

Stack a layer of canned goods, maybe some baby food and toiletries, followed by a layer of clothes or towels or another random packing item.

Seal the box with five more pieces of tape, load it and be ready for another.

Crawfordsville residents weren't moving, but they were following a recipe for others who were. No one really knew who they were helping, but the cars of goods rarely stopped last weekend at the Hoosiers Helping the Heartland drive.

May 7, 1999

Most people probably think Crock-Pots, stoneware slow cookers, are about as interesting as clothes hangers. They take up space, are decorated with small vegetable pictures and stand out like a drunk at a frat party.

But the real question concerning the cookware is — how come everything you put in a Crock-Pot always tastes like ... a Crock-Pot?

From the Archive

April 27, 2008

Just for an instance, don't be a spam hater. You don't actually have to open anything in your inbox with "enlargement" in the title. Just play along for the simple fact of nostalgia.

September 30, 2002

I like to dance. I may be the only columnist on the

Web who would make such an outrageous statement.

Not to put other columnists down, but I can't imagine

Dave Barry breaking out into Salsa or George Will doing

the Lambada. If I could imagine that, I wouldn't, because

it creates a very unpretty picture. With or without

guacamole.

Maybe if they had more time, they would visit their

September 23, 2007

Attention Windows shoppers: You may want to glaze over the next few paragraphs, because this isn't for you.

It is, however, for music lovers who wish to create your own beats on a Mac. I have been using GarageBand for a month or so, and I'm pretty confident that I have the next album to go platinum stored right here on my machine. OK, maybe it's not that good, but at the very least, it's fun to make your own mixes.

September 18, 2005

While I'm a big fan of Google and self-fulfilling prophecy, I never imagined the two could exist within the same realm. But according to what I've read recently on multiple websites, the online giant is taking aim potentially at connecting web users through an Internet portal similar to the one I've described in my latest novel, "The Developers."

August 16, 2004

I hope you're not one of the many people who has experienced receiving a piece of junk email from (gulp!) yourself.

The good news is that it's probably not your fault. The bad news is someone you know probably has an infected computer.

Many computer viruses going around multiply themselves by grabbing a person's address book and sending emails out to many of the addresses.