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In today's society, there are two groups of people â€” ones who get paid to cut grass and ones who cut grass only because it's their duty to the country. Actually there's a third, smaller group of people, composed mostly of apartment dwellers, kids and travel agents. But they, too, have either had to cut the grass or will in the future.
Nomads have wandered through cities during the last two weeks, sold their goods and departed for lands of milk and honey.
They don't leave a trail, but their wares do – usually ashes, perhaps a foul-smelling odor but always a glowing experience.
Fireworks salespeople have rigorous lives. I recently caught up with one such seller, Smokin' Joe Romancandle. What follows is his normal day:
6 a.m. Wakes up, sings the "Star-Spangled Banner," eats a Pop-Tart and brushes his teeth.
Last month I was in Wal-Mart, and I aimlessly wandered into the vitamin aisle. There were hundreds of nutritional supplement items, but one caught my attention – shark cartilage.
Unfortunately, the label contained little information pertaining to what the product actually does, such as make one lose weight or grow a dorsal fin.
As a kid, I used to see "Jaws" on my wall at bedtime. Now I see health companies trying to withhold routine information on Jaws' cousins.
Can you keep a secret?
Last week, I met with a special agent from the Department of Defense. I had my shrubbery costume ready (luckily, there were no dogs around), but it wasn't necessary. The agent led me into a room in the Crawfordsville Armory, looked both ways and closed the door. The questioning was ready to begin.
Anyone fed up with the government? Ready to turn in your "Made in the U.S.A." clothing? You could have a chance to do just that â€” if you move south.
Southern Party organizers have registered with the secretaries of state in Florida, Georgia, Texas and Virginia, according to the Associated Press. The party hopes to establish ties in all former Confederate States plus six border states and eventually secede from the Union, a la the Civil War.
From the Archive
The Book Escape in Federal Hill is now carrying Corporate Ties. I just noticed online that this store is selling a copy of The Developers for $5. That's a great deal (although I won't get a penny if someone purchases it).
If you just read the headline of this story, maybe you thought "Man, that sucks that I won't be able to open documents in five states. Then again, if I get a job in one of those states, I guess I won't have to stare at a computer screen all day." Before I continue, let me explain what open document format is.
As I prepare to attend the L.A. Book Expo at the end of May, I decided to go ahead and post the first chapter of "Polos to Ties." I'm still negotiating with agents (and publishers, in the near future) to find the best fit for my latest endeavor. Check it out and let me know your thoughts!
Chapter 1 - The Big News
Wednesday, June 22:
Subject: URGENT - PLEASE READ - Louisville-based Associates
To All Louisville-Based Associates:
It's mildly amusing to me how people -- the media, your next-door neighbor, the waving chicken mascot on the corner of your street -- will make it a point to remind you how right they were about something they predicted. Maybe they picked Florida to win the men's NCAA basketball championship, or maybe they picked Taylor to win "American Idol." But it's interesting to note how hardly anyone reminds you about a wrong prediction.