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Most people probably think Crock-Pots, stoneware slow cookers, are about as interesting as clothes hangers. They take up space, are decorated with small vegetable pictures and stand out like a drunk at a frat party.
But the real question concerning the cookware is — how come everything you put in a Crock-Pot always tastes like ... a Crock-Pot?
There's nothing worse than people complaining about a product because it works too well.
For instance, there's glue. Try using that stuff that holds elephants from a trapeze by their teeth. If you accidentally glue the elephant's ear to the swing, the immobile animal will be stuck forever.
Another example is plastic wrap. You try to wrap something in it, but the stuff just clings together. Being persistent, you try to unwrap it. But the static forces that bind the universe won't allow a simple tug to do the trick.
One big disadvantage working at night is the television quality when I arrive home. Sometimes there could be a "Perfect Strangers" rerun or two, and possibly an old game show, but most channels are overrun by infomercials.
Webster defines an infomercial as "a long television commercial, often made to resemble a talk show, educational demonstration, interview, etc." Kudos to Webster's assessment. The only words missing from the definition are "trash," "ridiculous" and "cheap."
There are a plenty of new careers and opportunities these days, yet you rarely see anyone entering the piracy field. Some people have invented their own versions of a shipwrecked pirate - stealing stereos, hacking into computer files, playing baseball in Pittsburgh - but few take their chances on the high seas.
On the other hand, the Assocated Press said pirates killed more people in 1998 than the year before. The International Maritime Bureau reported Malaysian pirates, who killed 67 crewmen last year, are "getting increasingly violent."
Pirates? Violent?
Easter has come and gone like a gypsy caravan once again, but one thing still remains — Easter candy. Checking expiration dates on bags and containers, 1999 Easter candy should last until 2450. People decide to buy candy following the holiday in hopes of big bargains.
A specific type of candy has intrigued many and plagued worldwide analysists with a simple question, "What is a Peep?"
I will begin what I hope will be a somewhat lengthy book tour when I visit the Brandenburg Library 12-2 p.m. Jan. 28 to discuss book publishing and my new book, "The Developers." The book is currently available at many regional Borders and independent bookstores, as well as the book's website, thedevelopersbook.com, and Amazon.com. It is also now available through Baker & Taylor, a national distributor.
Not all people troll the Internet looking for happy things like puppies, flowers and pot pies. While you could certainly find them, they are not nearly as easy to find as corporate hate sites. Maybe hate is a strong word ... then again, after checking out some of them, hate is pretty mild. "Loathe" and "personal vendetta" come to mind when describing them.
If you're close to my age (under 80, but older than 5), you may remember one of the earlier educational games, Oregon Trail. This game possibly accurately depicted random people following Lewis and Clark in their quest for new land, gold and Texas tea. Or, wait, Texas wasn't around yet. Was there tea?
Anyway, the game taught multiple skills, none of which helped you make tea. But they did help kids make critical decisions on how best to outfit a caravan across an unknown wilderness, with food, clothing, weapons, etc.
I finally discovered something I could not easily find on the Internet: tickets for the newest Star Wars movie.
Sure, it is still a few days before "Attack of the Clones" opens in the United States, but I should already have tickets in my hand. I'm not claiming to be the biggest Star Wars fan in history. I've never dressed up as Darth Vader in public or dated a girl named Yoda. True, she was from Dagobah. But I do have a lot of Star Wars memorabilia hanging on my walls at home, and all of my action figures are stashed away in places I can get to easily.
In another move toward 1984, Congress continues to endorse ISP snooping, which could attempt to keep tabs on everyone's online activities.
As reported on CNET, government officials are working toward determining how best to aid investigations into child pornography on the Internet. Allowing ISP snooping, however, would leave open the possibility of the government to track everyone's information.