The world's not revolving faster, nor have its inhabitants been hibernating, but time is moving faster. If time doesn't slow down, it could get pulled over, and it won't stand a chance in court.

Vacations have a lot to do with the insane pace of minutes. No, not the vacation you take. The vacation other people around you take. Many people working at the Journal have taken trips all across the United States, even to Canada. When someone leaves any business for a break, the remaining people must suffer the consequences.

Most sensible people would probably concede, pay the ticket and try harder next time. Not me. Finally, Aug. 2 at 8:50 a.m., the charges were dismissed. I was a free man. But the way it happened was a bit intriguing.

Boy it's hot outside. That's why I'm inside now. People keep talking about beating the heat. You've got to be kidding. You couldn't even beat the heat with a large frying pan. To avoid one silly cliché, I've decided to live by another — if you can't beat it, join it. Here's a short list of things to do to join the heat:

Start a fire — You can burn a lot faster, and burn a lot more for that matter. The folks at Woodstock 99 decided to light a few bonfires, loot shops and get really, really angry. Unfortunately, Willie Nelson escaped with few burns.

Bad things happen.

There's nothing anyone can do; they just happen. This past week, we saw our fair share of incidents. Nationally, a man whose life has been in a continual spotlight died in a plane crash. Locally, a young woman was found dead after being missing since July 4.

Tragedies strike at all times, mostly when least expected. There are numerous levels of tragedies, yet they all come back to one thing — loss. Losing something or someone can be devastating. But eventually, the void becomes a part of you, while you try fervently to concentrate on other things.

In today's society, there are two groups of people — ones who get paid to cut grass and ones who cut grass only because it's their duty to the country. Actually there's a third, smaller group of people, composed mostly of apartment dwellers, kids and travel agents. But they, too, have either had to cut the grass or will in the future.

How easy would it be for the United States government to keep tabs on people via the Internet? Soon, Congress could call a vote against Net Neutrality, which would allow ISPs to deliver partner websites faster than others. While this would be disruptive to the World Wide Web as a whole, this still wouldn't give access to data logs from all ISPs.

Those of you who have mastered the art of building a Web site have probably encountered the most important tool known to designers: the protractor.

Coming in second would have to be tables, the backbone to many pages you have visited in your lifetime, or at least within the last three weeks. Tables are the most primitive of the HTML tags because people like to have things in nice readable fashion, excluding tabloid magazines. Most people prefer tabloids that look similar to newspapers more than 40 years ago, which contained at least 343 headlines on each page.

How many passwords did you have to enter before you

started reading this?

A. 0

B. 1

C. 2

D. I don't remember, but I love watching "Password"

on the Game Show Network.

I still have a few more chapters to write, but I would like to share with my readers an early excerpt from my new project. It's a workplace humor memoir (the working title is Polos to Ties) that is based on a job I had two years ago. Let me know what you think!

Instead of finding a new job, which of the following would you rather be doing?

1. Watching the documentary - "The History of Sun Dresses."

2. Watching the story of heterosexuals in the fashion industry, "Pinking Sheers are for Straight Guys too!"

I'm sure most people overlook the importance of a parking garage, but luckily, there are people on the Web who don't overlook ANYTHING.

I haven't been able to find an exact history on parking garages, but I found all the information I ever wanted to know about them, and some that I didn't want to know anyway.