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ILOVEYOU -- here are eight million e-mails

July 24, 2000

Maybe I'm in a small minority, but I'm still confused how so many people are duped every so often by an e-mail virus. Let's take this step by step:

A guy walks into his workspace at 7:30 a.m., preparing for another exciting day of whatever. He opens his inbox to find 50 e-mails -- 45 promising him to lose weight, financial freedom or cheap Viagra four from actual friends, probably chain letters and one other with a subject header of "Open repeatedly, this is not a virus," which of course is from virusdemon@viruscentral.com.

Honey, I made a homepage

July 17, 2000

You cannot escape the Internet. OK, you're right, you can. You can move to Uruguay. But for all the trouble, you might as well find a computer and get busy.

A lot of people have been talking about designing a "homepage," which has nothing to do with your living quarters. Simply put, a homepage is the portal to the most important information on a particular Web site.

Your computer isn't just a fancy paperweight

July 10, 2000

Computers can be your friends. No, they won't take you to lunch or buy you a drink. But they can do more than collect dust. Assuming you are human (and if not, don't let that stop you from reading), you probably fit into one of four categories:

1. You still use a typewriter, you're still building a bomb shelter, and your best friend in grade school was Robert "Robbie" E. Lee.

Moving on, but packing few regrets

August 28, 1999

Editor's Note: This was Ben's final column while writing for the Crawfordsville (Ind.) Journal Review.

This will be the last column I write for the Journal Review. I may start them again sometime in the future. I would like to. But for now, this will have to do.

If any of you have column ideas, please still tell them to me and send them. I will keep a list, and somewhere down the road, maybe they will let me do this again.

Soft drink turns people psycho?

August 21, 1999

In a day and age when there are so many different types of people, with various races, ethnicities and personalities, there is one type I'm more likely to associate with frequently.

I have an insatiable and unconscious desire to surround myself with Dr Pepper drinkers.

But Iím also convinced that most Dr Pepper drinkers are psychotic.

Which comes first is unclear. And calling someone psychotic can be misconstrued, so Dr Pepper drinkers, donít take this personally. But ponder the following arguments.

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From the Archive

Here comes Spuds McDarth

March 2, 2005

I am big fan of toys, and "Star Wars," and "Star Wars" toys, but it appears Hasbro has stepped over the boundary with the release of Darth Tater. The toy is a Mr. Potato Head that somewhat resembles the evil villain Darth Vader. See for yourself on Hasbro's website.

Turn nonsense into jibba jabba

March 4, 2002

Maybe there are funnier things on the Internet. Maybe there is an insanely hilarious site on mimes, and I cannot get to it because I'm still stuck in the box. All I know is that I pity the fool who misses out on this one.

It's called, simply The T'inator. It's mission is to turn every Web page into a page starring Mr. T. It's easier to see than to explain, so click the link above, enter a URL and check out the jibba jabba.

Next stop: Johns Hopkins Spring Festival

April 23, 2008

It's a quick turnaround from the CityLit Festival, but I will be in attendance at the JHU Spring Festival, which takes place April 25-27 at the Hopkins Homewood Campus. The details are a bit sketchy as when I will be there, but I plan to hand out another box of "The Developers" to event visitors.

Visit the event's website to learn more about other vendors and a full schedule of happenings there.

Baseball and math add up

April 10, 1999

Today we will discuss a simple mathematical equation.

Baseball = Life

On the surface, it's a pretty simple equation. But it can be expanded to read the following: stitches/323(Yankees) * Concession stands^3+tickets - 37(fungoes) = Life

If you can't beat bad drivers, get stuck in traffic with them

June 15, 2006

We live in a world where we expect things to improve and evolve, like finding cures for fatal diseases, building structures to withstand the fiercest storms and attempting to select a new singer for the band INXS. Yet, despite all of these advances (OK, INXS' original singer wasn't bad), the majority of people on the highway still have no freakin' clue how to drive.

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Spumoni Press

Spumoni Press

If you’re in need of help with publishing a book or developing a web site, check out Spumoni Press.

Solving Problems

Check out the latest book in the Caimans at Work series! The caimans’ new store is the talk of the town. But with success comes navigating the speed bumps along the way. Have no fear – Raymond and Damon are always up for the challenge, whether they are finding a recipe, picking the right color, just doing laundry or investigating a peculiar mystery at their favorite place - a party, of course!

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