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There's nothing worse than people complaining about a product because it works too well.
For instance, there's glue. Try using that stuff that holds elephants from a trapeze by their teeth. If you accidentally glue the elephant's ear to the swing, the immobile animal will be stuck forever.
Another example is plastic wrap. You try to wrap something in it, but the stuff just clings together. Being persistent, you try to unwrap it. But the static forces that bind the universe won't allow a simple tug to do the trick.
One big disadvantage working at night is the television quality when I arrive home. Sometimes there could be a "Perfect Strangers" rerun or two, and possibly an old game show, but most channels are overrun by infomercials.
Webster defines an infomercial as "a long television commercial, often made to resemble a talk show, educational demonstration, interview, etc." Kudos to Webster's assessment. The only words missing from the definition are "trash," "ridiculous" and "cheap."
There are a plenty of new careers and opportunities these days, yet you rarely see anyone entering the piracy field. Some people have invented their own versions of a shipwrecked pirate - stealing stereos, hacking into computer files, playing baseball in Pittsburgh - but few take their chances on the high seas.
On the other hand, the Assocated Press said pirates killed more people in 1998 than the year before. The International Maritime Bureau reported Malaysian pirates, who killed 67 crewmen last year, are "getting increasingly violent."
Easter has come and gone like a gypsy caravan once again, but one thing still remains â€” Easter candy. Checking expiration dates on bags and containers, 1999 Easter candy should last until 2450. People decide to buy candy following the holiday in hopes of big bargains.
A specific type of candy has intrigued many and plagued worldwide analysists with a simple question, "What is a Peep?"
Today we will discuss a simple mathematical equation.
Baseball = Life
On the surface, it's a pretty simple equation. But it can be expanded to read the following: stitches/323(Yankees) * Concession stands^3+tickets - 37(fungoes) = Life
From the Archive
Hard hat. Check.
Two years' worth of provisions, including 80 cans of Spam and 72 cans of beans. Check.
Can opener. Definite check.
Before preparing for the upcoming Y2K crisis, make a short checklist of necessary items. Because the problems could last until the Y3K crisis, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Is anyone really buying into this? Is a modern computer, which was invented sometime in the mid '50s, really going to believe it went back in time? Even without a flux capacitor or Michael J. Fox's Delorean?
While it's doubtful Richard Simmons has already finished reading my book, "The Developers," it is worth noting that he already has good things to say about it.
Simmons, who is constantly referenced in the book as a lookalike of one of the characters, Rex Burns, recently responded to the book copy I sent him at his Burbank location.
"Thank you for your kind words and sense of humor," Simmons wrote on an autographed photo. "You are a gifted man!"
It's election time again, and this is a big one. I'm not just talking about the Big Mac/Whopper taste test (Who won that vote anyway?). Americans will elect a new president in 2008, and the caucuses have already begun. But there's another way that you, a citizen of the United Internets of the Galaxy, can participate.
You may have noticed that I recently changed the name of my new book to "Corporate Ties." I haven't had a chance to change all of my marketing material yet because, well, there's only so much time in the day, right? After thinking about it and discussing with others, "Polos to Ties" worked great for the local audience, but from a book sales standpoint, a random person might not notice the fashion connection.
The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers has added .post and .travel to its list of allowable domain names. Businesses and groups apparently will have the right to apply for these domain names soon, it's not quite clear just when someone would expect to actually see them live on the web. For more information about the additions, read a recent USA Today story about it.