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Most people probably think Crock-Pots, stoneware slow cookers, are about as interesting as clothes hangers. They take up space, are decorated with small vegetable pictures and stand out like a drunk at a frat party.
But the real question concerning the cookware is â€” how come everything you put in a Crock-Pot always tastes like ... a Crock-Pot?
There's nothing worse than people complaining about a product because it works too well.
For instance, there's glue. Try using that stuff that holds elephants from a trapeze by their teeth. If you accidentally glue the elephant's ear to the swing, the immobile animal will be stuck forever.
Another example is plastic wrap. You try to wrap something in it, but the stuff just clings together. Being persistent, you try to unwrap it. But the static forces that bind the universe won't allow a simple tug to do the trick.
One big disadvantage working at night is the television quality when I arrive home. Sometimes there could be a "Perfect Strangers" rerun or two, and possibly an old game show, but most channels are overrun by infomercials.
Webster defines an infomercial as "a long television commercial, often made to resemble a talk show, educational demonstration, interview, etc." Kudos to Webster's assessment. The only words missing from the definition are "trash," "ridiculous" and "cheap."
There are a plenty of new careers and opportunities these days, yet you rarely see anyone entering the piracy field. Some people have invented their own versions of a shipwrecked pirate - stealing stereos, hacking into computer files, playing baseball in Pittsburgh - but few take their chances on the high seas.
On the other hand, the Assocated Press said pirates killed more people in 1998 than the year before. The International Maritime Bureau reported Malaysian pirates, who killed 67 crewmen last year, are "getting increasingly violent."
Easter has come and gone like a gypsy caravan once again, but one thing still remains â€” Easter candy. Checking expiration dates on bags and containers, 1999 Easter candy should last until 2450. People decide to buy candy following the holiday in hopes of big bargains.
A specific type of candy has intrigued many and plagued worldwide analysists with a simple question, "What is a Peep?"
From the Archive
I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.
Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.
Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.
It's bad enough to receive a boatload of forwards each week, and it's that much worse to receive repeat forwards. But when you receive the exact same forward from two different people within almost a week's time, well, that's called noteworthy. Especially when it's just another urban legend.
It's not every day that a highly acclaimed author specifically asks for your signature. And no, I wasn't just signing a check for one of his excellent books.
Palahniuk was in Louisville on June 8 during a book tour for his latest book, "Haunted." You may not recognize the name, but you may know him as the author of "Fight Club." Many of his other works are also in the middle of movie deals, including my favorite, "Choke."
Host: Ben Woods
Location: Ben Woods' House
(contact me for details)
When: Friday, July 28, 5:00pm
Objectives (What's the point?):
- Kick off five-state book signing tour
- Preview next book (Spoiler: It's about the place I worked last summer, until everyone relocated to Cincinnati without me.)
- PARTY PARTY PARTY
Goods (What we'll have):
- FOOD and DRINKS
- GAMES (Adults AND Kids)
- DOOR PRIZES
Schedule (What's going on):
5-Dusk: Outside activities, games, raffles
DUSK-?: PARTY TIME