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In today's society, there are two groups of people — ones who get paid to cut grass and ones who cut grass only because it's their duty to the country. Actually there's a third, smaller group of people, composed mostly of apartment dwellers, kids and travel agents. But they, too, have either had to cut the grass or will in the future.
Nomads have wandered through cities during the last two weeks, sold their goods and departed for lands of milk and honey.
They don't leave a trail, but their wares do – usually ashes, perhaps a foul-smelling odor but always a glowing experience.
Fireworks salespeople have rigorous lives. I recently caught up with one such seller, Smokin' Joe Romancandle. What follows is his normal day:
6 a.m. Wakes up, sings the "Star-Spangled Banner," eats a Pop-Tart and brushes his teeth.
Last month I was in Wal-Mart, and I aimlessly wandered into the vitamin aisle. There were hundreds of nutritional supplement items, but one caught my attention – shark cartilage.
Unfortunately, the label contained little information pertaining to what the product actually does, such as make one lose weight or grow a dorsal fin.
As a kid, I used to see "Jaws" on my wall at bedtime. Now I see health companies trying to withhold routine information on Jaws' cousins.
Can you keep a secret?
Last week, I met with a special agent from the Department of Defense. I had my shrubbery costume ready (luckily, there were no dogs around), but it wasn't necessary. The agent led me into a room in the Crawfordsville Armory, looked both ways and closed the door. The questioning was ready to begin.
Anyone fed up with the government? Ready to turn in your "Made in the U.S.A." clothing? You could have a chance to do just that — if you move south.
Southern Party organizers have registered with the secretaries of state in Florida, Georgia, Texas and Virginia, according to the Associated Press. The party hopes to establish ties in all former Confederate States plus six border states and eventually secede from the Union, a la the Civil War.
Amazingly enough, there are a handful of people out there who still have not purchased an iPod yet. It's too bad, really, because studies have shown that people who have iPods experience less back pain later in life, most likely because they aren't carrying around boom boxes on their shoulders during the formidable years of their lives. Haven't you wonder why chiropractors have yet to endorse the handheld music device?
They say a random quote is like reading obituaries from an 18th century newspaper on the other side of the world. The information is worthwhile to someone, but probably not the person actually reading it.
All right, so I made that up, but regardless, meaningful, unique quotes can be difficult to come by, unless you are perusing Food for Thought. The site is billed as "A Collection of Heretical Notions and Wretched Adages compiled by Jack Tourette."
As a writer of workplace novels, I try to stay up on the latest and greatest new business books that are out there. There is generally a clear distinction between self-help and narratives, but I do not think it always has to be like that.
Many people are familiar with the movie "Catch Me If You Can," which describes the early life of Frank Abagnale and his ability to change identities at a moment's notice. Some know this was based on a true story, and even fewer people know that Abagnale worked with the FBI for 32 years to thwart identity theft.
So far, so good at the BookExpo. Los Angeles is a pretty cool place, and I've made a fair number of contacts on my first day. I still have a number of people to speak with, though, as I try to pitch "Polos to Ties" as well as give away a few more copies of "The Developers." But for tonight, I'd better get off here ... it's almost my turn on the karaoke mic!