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What are fireworks salespeople up to now anyway?

Nomads have wandered through cities during the last two weeks, sold their goods and departed for lands of milk and honey.

They don't leave a trail, but their wares do – usually ashes, perhaps a foul-smelling odor but always a glowing experience.

Fireworks salespeople have rigorous lives. I recently caught up with one such seller, Smokin' Joe Romancandle. What follows is his normal day:

6 a.m. Wakes up, sings the "Star-Spangled Banner," eats a Pop-Tart and brushes his teeth.

Shark cartilage possesses a mean bite

Last month I was in Wal-Mart, and I aimlessly wandered into the vitamin aisle. There were hundreds of nutritional supplement items, but one caught my attention – shark cartilage.

Unfortunately, the label contained little information pertaining to what the product actually does, such as make one lose weight or grow a dorsal fin.

As a kid, I used to see "Jaws" on my wall at bedtime. Now I see health companies trying to withhold routine information on Jaws' cousins.

Can you keep a secret?

Can you keep a secret?

Last week, I met with a special agent from the Department of Defense. I had my shrubbery costume ready (luckily, there were no dogs around), but it wasn't necessary. The agent led me into a room in the Crawfordsville Armory, looked both ways and closed the door. The questioning was ready to begin.

Truth, justice and the Southern way

Anyone fed up with the government? Ready to turn in your "Made in the U.S.A." clothing? You could have a chance to do just that — if you move south.

Southern Party organizers have registered with the secretaries of state in Florida, Georgia, Texas and Virginia, according to the Associated Press. The party hopes to establish ties in all former Confederate States plus six border states and eventually secede from the Union, a la the Civil War.

Words ... words ...

Last weekend, I was tangled in a crazy game of H-O-R-S-E with my cousins.

For those of you unfamiliar with the game, or think it is somehow tied to the Kentucky Derby, the game is simple. Make a basket (shoot, don't weave), and if the person behind you misses, they get a letter. You keep playing until you spell "horse." There are many versions of the game, including H-O-R-S-E-S, P-I-G, and a personal favorite, D-R-O-M-E-D-A-R-Y.

But which is more important to the game – athletic skill to make a shot, or being able to spell?

From the Archive

Next stop: Carmichael's on Frankfort Ave.

For the fourth straight weekend, I'll be making a book appearance, this time at home in Louisville, Ky. I'll be at Carmichael's (2720 Frankfort Avenue) 4-6 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 12. Make sure you don't go to the Bardstown Road one because I won't be there!

Please stop in and say hi to me or my local publicist, Elizabeth Woods, if you get a chance. Elizabeth is my grandma, one of the main proofreaders for 'The Developers' and an avid bingo player.

Google takes down United Airlines ... unintentionally

Here's a new version of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" story.

Now's the time to become a pirate

There are a plenty of new careers and opportunities these days, yet you rarely see anyone entering the piracy field. Some people have invented their own versions of a shipwrecked pirate - stealing stereos, hacking into computer files, playing baseball in Pittsburgh - but few take their chances on the high seas.

On the other hand, the Assocated Press said pirates killed more people in 1998 than the year before. The International Maritime Bureau reported Malaysian pirates, who killed 67 crewmen last year, are "getting increasingly violent."

Pirates? Violent?

Your chance to pick up a copy of "The Developers"

I've decided to go a little different route with "The Developers" than your normal let's-just-sell-in-the-bookstore approach. There are numerous reasons I'm trying this, but it comes down to two major ones:

1. Bookstores end up taking a huge portion of the money.

2. Bookstores bury books that aren't being sold at record-setting paces.

Ava Princess

By Ava

Once upon a time there was a princess named Ava, and she had sisters named Lily and Clara. Her mom and dad were thinking about a party for her. And then she went outside so her parents couldn't see her.

And then she decided to make a birthday cake for herself. And then there was a monster. That monster almost got her, but it was only a person.

It was one of her sisters. It was Clara. And Lily was a princess, so she went back into the castle, and she started writing. And then there was another thing that she wanted to add to it. Her sister was in the picture.

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