Articles

I finally discovered something I could not easily find on the Internet: tickets for the newest Star Wars movie.

Sure, it is still a few days before "Attack of the Clones" opens in the United States, but I should already have tickets in my hand. I'm not claiming to be the biggest Star Wars fan in history. I've never dressed up as Darth Vader in public or dated a girl named Yoda. True, she was from Dagobah. But I do have a lot of Star Wars memorabilia hanging on my walls at home, and all of my action figures are stashed away in places I can get to easily.

This might be too grandiose of an idea, but I thought

I would try to explain the U.S. vs. Microsoft case in

one tiny column. So if you have been following the case

closely and do not need an explanation, feel free to

take this opportunity to play the

Lucky Dollars game.

For those of you still with me (I hope it's at least

I think I may finally be able to enter into the Guiness World Book of Records. The record I have set just recently is the fact that I look like 45,120 other people.

I wish there was an explanation, but so far, I haven't heard one. Why does everyone think I look like someone else? Not that it's a bad thing. I'm not sure if it's good, bad or vote none of the above. But it is amazing I could look like so many different people.

How many passwords did you have to enter before you

started reading this?

A. 0

B. 1

C. 2

D. I don't remember, but I love watching "Password"

on the Game Show Network.

For those of you who huge basketball fans, here's a little breather from March Madness. All right, maybe you don't need a break from the action, but seriously, it's Monday. There are no NCAA games today. Even Dick Vitale takes a day off.

Maybe there are funnier things on the Internet. Maybe there is an insanely hilarious site on mimes, and I cannot get to it because I'm still stuck in the box. All I know is that I pity the fool who misses out on this one.

It's called, simply The T'inator. It's mission is to turn every Web page into a page starring Mr. T. It's easier to see than to explain, so click the link above, enter a URL and check out the jibba jabba.

There comes a day in columnists' lives when they realize they have written

about everything they know anything about.

I realized this a couple years ago, after the fourth column, but now I'm running

out of things that I've even heard of. So instead of ranting and raving about

the commercialization of Valentine's Day or the plight of the American economy

or the Canadian women's curling team or the combination of the three, I decided

to dive deeper into the topic of forms.

From the department of I Don't Have Much to Do Because

My Wife Just Left Me to Join the Shriners:

A friend sent me a link to the site called Where's

George. I

thought I would check it out, thinking the George everyone

A reader once questioned me about extensions. Perturbed,

I responded, "Maybe they work for Britney, but I'm not

ready for hair extensions." Then I fell out of my chair,

hit my head on the keyboard and realized he meant file

extensions.

For some people, Christmas is the time of year that

most people never want to end. More importantly, Christmas

isn't over until you've gotten every item on your wish

list.

At first, I thought I had received everything I wanted.

Then I opened some junk e-mail and looked through a

few catalogs to realize all the things I didn't have.