I like to dance. I may be the only columnist on the
Web who would make such an outrageous statement.
Not to put other columnists down, but I can't imagine
Dave Barry breaking out into Salsa or George Will doing
the Lambada. If I could imagine that, I wouldn't, because
it creates a very unpretty picture. With or without
guacamole.
Maybe if they had more time, they would visit their
Which of these is greatest thing about the Internet?
A. You can spend hours and hours, even days and weeks
sifting through site after site, finding everything
you ever wanted to know about anything.
B. You can hate
clowns and actually be welcomed to a Web site.
Of course, the answer is B, but only because there's
I feel it is my duty to debunk a longstanding falsehood about our great nation: It does not rain every day in Seattle. What did you think I was going to say, we were still owned by Great Britain?
Are you running out of storage space? I'm not talking
about your living room closet that contains 58 jackets,
some of which haven't been worn since the Crusades,
a vaccum cleaner, three bowling balls and dust bunnies
bigger than apples. I'm talking about disk storage space.
If you are running out of storage space, or if you
Thursday was my birthday. I celebrated by jumping
out of a cake. Unfortunately, my foot slipped on some
icing, and I swallowed a sparkler, but I'm OK now.
Anyway, this column actually serves an important purpose:
remembering people's birthdays. Everyone has a birthday,
except for people over 30 and some miniature golf course
I thought of a new way to determine how many people
actually were reading my column: I decided to hand out
chocolate to everyone who visited any of the four Web
sites that carry me.
Unfortunately, logistics won't allow that, plus I don't
have any chocolate; I ate it all. Instead, I thought
we would discuss music file types and get your opinion
on music taste while we're at it.
Do you know how difficult it is to determine if a plant
growth is a weed or a flower after two weeks?
If you do not know, either you are a botantist or you've
never tried to plant seeds and watch them grow. I decided
about three weeks ago to plant three different types
of flowers, mainly because I never had before. I told
a friend I'm trying to teach myself patience. Watching
As I agonize about writing this opening paragraph,
I wonder what type of people read this column. I mean,
are they reading this while they chew gum with their
mouths wide open, are they chewing their toenails or,
worse yet, are they putting gum between their toes?
OK, I really wasn't thinking about that, I was wondering
how much Dr Pepper I could drink. But this brings up
I finally discovered something I could not easily find on the Internet: tickets for the newest Star Wars movie.
Sure, it is still a few days before "Attack of the Clones" opens in the United States, but I should already have tickets in my hand. I'm not claiming to be the biggest Star Wars fan in history. I've never dressed up as Darth Vader in public or dated a girl named Yoda. True, she was from Dagobah. But I do have a lot of Star Wars memorabilia hanging on my walls at home, and all of my action figures are stashed away in places I can get to easily.