With the recent surge in reality television, I have decided to create my own
hit series called "The Communicator." I need someone to be in charge
of my phone decisions. So every time a telemarketer calls, urging me to move
my phone plan to another galaxy, I will transfer them directly to The Communicator.
At that point, I would hope the telemarketer would be told that I'm locked
into a contract until the year 2348, but that it was OK to call back after
that time.
It's amazing that we live in a time period when at any given moment, we could
find out that everything we previously knew about the universe was incorrect.
But so far, it's safe to say that Mars does exist, the sun is at the center
of our solar system and "Space Camp" really wasn't a very good movie.
If you haven't been following the news lately, or maybe you've been busy with
other things, like selling your belt buckles on eBay, let me go over some
of the recent astronomy highlights:
So the other day, I remembered I needed to contact Michelle Branch.
This seemed like a simple goal at the onset, but there were various problems: How would I go about actually doing this? What did I need to tell her? Who is she anyway?
Is the new year really any different than the year that just passed?
The short answer is no. The long answer is yes. The longer answer is possible, but not probable, and the medium answer is, well, I think I forgot the question.
Back to the short answer, which if I recall, is NO! The year 2004 will be so much like 2003 that you will actually be able to use the same wall and desk calendars, if you haven't already thrown them away. Do not fret, however, because last year's calendars are today's clearance items at your local store.
Can you believe anything anymore? I'm starting to wonder this myself. I open
the paper and see accusations flung about everyone from Michael Jackson, the
king of pop, to Arnold Schwarzenegger, the kindergarten cop. Are they innocent?
Are they guilty? Are they both aliens from a different planet anyway?
Amazingly enough, there is a place on the Web that you are GUARANTEED to find
actual facts about many different items. And when I say guarantee, I don't
mean it like, "I guarantee you will enjoy this lifetime supply of shark
If you're like me, you receive a large number of forwarded emails from friends;
many of them are funny, many are factually incorrect and many are just pointless.
Then again, if you are like me, you have worn an eye patch for the eighth consecutive
year at Halloween, but that's beside the point.
Another popular email forward are those in which people list a bunch of questions
about themselves. They might mention their favorite food, their middle name,
their favorite smell, anything that could help you understand who they are,
Imagine going to the library to find a specific piece of literature. The problem is, you remember the words "corn" and "facade" are in the title, but you can't remember the author or any other information. Was it "The Children of the Corn Facade"? Or maybe "The Facade of Corn Flakes"?
I decided to open up the mailbag and answer some of the questions that readers
have asked me recently. Then I realized that I'm not Santa Claus, and people
don't send me letters. This isn't completely true, as I did portray Santa in
a third-grade Christmas play, even though I ripped part of the suit just before
the play began.
So I don't have any letters with questions, just comments about various columns.
But this will not stop me from answering some of those questions that people
I cannot really say there is a particular genre of movies I like the best. Comedy, suspense, sci-fi, horror, even those touted by some as chick flicks are enjoyable. Regardless of the type, computers seem to be popping up in movies about as often as I receive email viruses with the subjects "Your details" or "Wicked Screensaver." Way gnarly, dude!
There are a lot of things the World Wide Web can do for you, but healing you is not one of them.