It has come to my attention that celebrities really
do have everything. I'm not just talking about stardom,
money and infomercials selling things like the Flowbee.
If at any time celebrities question whether or not they
are dead, they can find out instantly at Dead
or Alive.
Think about how handy this may be. Just the other day,
while I was debating if I should drink orange juice
with a bunch of pulp, a little pulp or none at all,
I wondered if I truly were alive. And if I were, indeed,
alive, how would I know? If only I were a celebrity,
I could have found out instantly from this Web site.
There are almost 6000 people listed at Dead or Alive;
it's pretty much split down the middle for the dead/alive
ratio. Not only can you search for particular people
in a variety of ways to determine if they are still
around, but you can take quizzes that gauge your ability
at knowing a person's status on earth.
Some of the results, though, made me skeptical of the
site's accuracy. First, Elvis
Presley was listed as dead. Who in their right mind
could honestly believe Elvis is dead? I see at least
five bumper
stickers each day proclaiming the King is still
alive (I wish I saw the bumper sticker "Black holes
are where God divided by zero" a little more often).
Didn't Elvis just have yet another
top song on the UK charts? He just passed the Beatles
for all-time number one hits. I think there's still
an outside chance for Milli Vanilli to catch him though.
The man can't be dead. But I really don't have time
to search for him. Remember my orange juice dilemma?
If you need more information on Elvis, check out Elvisfind.com,
an Elvis search engine, and a piece titled "Jesus
is alive, Elvis is alive -- what's the difference?"
Another singer/entertainer who may or may not be alive
is Tupac Shakur. He was the rapper who was supposedly
gunned down six years ago in Las Vegas. That is, if
you want to believe that. It seems every year or so
a rapper is shot, which appears to be a bit overkill
to me. I mean, if they need to get rid of a rapper,
couldn't they just send him to a different country?
Or better yet, make him a country singer? He could also
drive around a purple 1967 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme
Holiday with the bumper sticker "Gravity- It's
not just a good idea, it's the LAW!"
There is plenty -- yes, you heard me right, PLENTY
-- of evidence revealing that Tupac is still alive.
Check it out for yourself at Tupac
fans and TupacNet.Org.
It is usually a deterrent to be dead for most things
in everyday life, but according to a story on Internetnews.com,
is supported by dead people. According to the article,
letters were sent last year by people who are allegedly
dead urging state officials to be lenient during Microsoft's
court battles. Unfortunately, the dead people were unavailable
for comment.
It would be advantageous to know, at all times, whether
an average citizen were dead or alive, but I guess we're
just going to have to go with our gut instinct for now.
There's no use in mulling over things that cannot be
easily verified. In case you wonder occasionally if
you do, indeed, still exist, check out your local obituaries
page just to be sure. I still haven't seen Elvis or
Tupac there, which gives me hope they are singing a
duet, possibly "Wind Beneath My Wings" right
now at a Burger King in Hawaii.
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