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The results are in: Bush, Gore lose to The Golf Channel

I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.

What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?

E-mails overrunning a business near you

Is this what the world is coming to? People sitting 6 inches away from each other will not talk to each other but instead, write short e-mails?

An example:

From: Someone

Sent: November, Wednesday 1, 2000 11:41 AM

To: Someone else

Subject: Outside

Did you see that?

Spooky sites sound all right

Maybe you are one of those people who are completely terrified of computers, the Internet and lemon-flavored cough drops. If so, you probably are no where near being able to read this column, and if I had to guess, you are most likely hiding in a basement in Turkey. That is, if they have basements in Turkey. So if you know someone like this, please print this column immediately and send it to them because it could save their life.

Keep your eyes open when wagering online

I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.

Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.

Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.

Don't let DoS attacks send you to the circus

Sometimes Web sites don't work. They just don't. There are plenty of reasons, including &quot the sun was in my eyes,&quot why a particular site will not work. It's definitely frustrating when you know other sites are working, except the one you want to go to, The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page, just won't boot.

From the Archive

Agents, publishers, reviewers welcome

During the weekend, I began a search to find a suitable agent for my memoir, "Polos to Ties." It's fairly ridiculous how many agents are out there, especially ones that still don't have websites. However, I have narrowed the list to 30-40 who I plan to contact. I'll keep you posted as to what I find out from them, in case there's anyone else out there searching to sell the next great novel.

Does technology create or inhibit crime?

Many people are familiar with the movie "Catch Me If You Can," which describes the early life of Frank Abagnale and his ability to change identities at a moment's notice. Some know this was based on a true story, and even fewer people know that Abagnale worked with the FBI for 32 years to thwart identity theft.

Windowless? Let Web sites control the weather

It's a good thing there are Internet weather sites. Yes, it's beneficial for travelers to know if it's going to be nice at their destination. It's great to know if a large snowfall is coming, so everyone but bartenders can be off work. You can even check out the weather where all your friends live.

Have the final say by getting rid of your spam

I've stumped myself with a recent philosophical discussion

I had with, um, myself. Who has the last word in an

email discussion?

It's pretty obvious in a face-to-face

discussion. The last person who talks has the last

word. Even if you

hold your ears and scream really loud, it's apparent

who said the last thing. In a phone conversation, this

New stuff coming soon

As you have probably noticed, I haven't been writing as much on here lately. There is a reason for that: There are a few exciting things in the works over here, but I cannot divulge all of the information yet. Let's just say that besides a new book coming out, there's an entire foundation behind it, meaning a real publishing company (with books from people other than me!). We're still working out all of details, so I'll keep you posted!

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