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There are a lot of things the World Wide Web can do for you, but healing you is not one of them.
Welcome to BenWoods.com
While there is a bounty of useful items on the Internet, there is also that vague area of things that serve some purpose, but by themselves, would be utterly useless.
An obvious example of this is a Web counter. Create a Web page by putting nothing on it other than a counter. Put it on the Web. What does it prove? If people actually go to your site, they are insane? True, but in a sense, we already know that everyone is crazy.
I hope you made it to my column today in one piece.
Surely there was no traffic on the trip to work, no wrecks to get in your way and no coffee to spill on that new "Dukes of Hazzard" tie your grandmother gave you for Christmas. Just like any other day, I bet you walked into your office or computer room, started up your computer and immediately accessed the Web, right?
HONK!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!? DON'T CUT IN FRONT OF ME YOU $#%#$@!!! HONK!!! HONK!!!
If this is you, and you also happen to find yourself saying these things often -- OK, every single time you drive more than 33 inches -- then you may be enthused to know I would like to do something about it.
Yes, soon there could be a way to get back at all of those people who pull up right on your bumper; who say using a turning signal is merely a fad; and who think the word "yield" means "go" and the word "merge" means "get outta my way."
I'm sure you've seen it: A Web site that has an amazing design, with bright
colors, animation and various neat effects. But after the awe goes away (10
seconds later) you begin to wonder: Where am I supposed to click?
A large portion
of Web designers have this problem. They think the more creative they
are, the better the Web site becomes. While uniqueness is key
to making a site design stand out, it is important to remember the end user.
That's you! Forgetting that Internet pages should be geared toward the
From the Archive
At this very moment, someone could be watching your every move, directly through your computer.
PEEK-A-BOO! No, it's not me. I have much, much better things to do, like collecting the Iowa quarter and playing Monopoly at McDonald's.
Unfortunately for you, other people not only have that extra time to hack into your machine, they enjoy doing so. Yes, I realize it's hard to believe someone would rather attempt to ruin all your useless files rather than collect the four railroads off fast food soft drink cups, but it's true.
Most sensible people would probably concede, pay the ticket and try harder next time. Not me. Finally, Aug. 2 at 8:50 a.m., the charges were dismissed. I was a free man. But the way it happened was a bit intriguing.
It's election time again, and this is a big one. I'm not just talking about the Big Mac/Whopper taste test (Who won that vote anyway?). Americans will elect a new president in 2008, and the caucuses have already begun. But there's another way that you, a citizen of the United Internets of the Galaxy, can participate.
Hard hat. Check.
Two years' worth of provisions, including 80 cans of Spam and 72 cans of beans. Check.
Can opener. Definite check.
Before preparing for the upcoming Y2K crisis, make a short checklist of necessary items. Because the problems could last until the Y3K crisis, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Is anyone really buying into this? Is a modern computer, which was invented sometime in the mid '50s, really going to believe it went back in time? Even without a flux capacitor or Michael J. Fox's Delorean?
As you've heard by now, Martha Stewart has been sentenced to five months in prison and five months of home incarceration after being found guilty of insider trading and lying to investigators about it. She has even compared herself to Nelson Mandela, which I could be wrong about this, but I don't remember Mandela making crafts on TV when speaking against apartheid.