You made it! Thanks for visiting.
I decided to take a break from talking about Web sites and Internet applications for at least one column. Amazingly enough, there are other programs on your computer or close by that can be beneficial. The one I plan to discuss today is more useful than a paperweight, although it may not be as helpful as a stapler or rubber band or the largest watergun museum on the Internet.
There are things I'd rather do than clean my computer
mouse. Really, there are. For instance, licking envelopes
is fun. I also like to cut duct tape with dull scissors.
The thing that separates these other items with cleaning
a mouse is that I need my mouse to perform about 95
percent of my work duties. I need duct tape and envelopes
the other 5 percent whenever I mail chain letters to
I hope at least a few of the 17 people who read this column are interested in building their own Web site, or already have, or would want to if all the letters on their keyboard weren't missing.
The trouble with starting from scratch on the Internet is it's tough to find your newly created URL in the search engine. The good news is there are ways to make it easier. The bad news is you will need more than just the return and shift keys to accomplish this.
Sometimes keeping computer terminology straight is difficult. There are so many definitions, words and acronyms that it is easy to confuse one for the other. For instance, I was talking to my mom the other day about a keyboard, and she thought I meant a music keyboard. Needless to say, she spent hours looking for a delete and escape key on her piano.
I like to dance. I may be the only columnist on the
Web who would make such an outrageous statement.
Not to put other columnists down, but I can't imagine
Dave Barry breaking out into Salsa or George Will doing
the Lambada. If I could imagine that, I wouldn't, because
it creates a very unpretty picture. With or without
guacamole.
Maybe if they had more time, they would visit their
Most people know of the Internet only from the mid '90s on. But actually, the Internet started long, long ago, in a galaxy, well, that you live in.
I recently came across a page on UCLA's website that showed the first words uttered on the Internet. The day was Oct. 29, 1969, which also happens to be my mom's birthday. The researchers sent an "l" and an "o" before the system crashed. Apparently they were trying to login, and, much like any old computer I've used, it crashed almost immediately.
What do Elvis, Bing Crosby and Wham all have in common? No, besides being three of the top musical acts of the 20th century. Of course! They all have had Christmas hits!
Imagine going to the library to find a specific piece of literature. The problem is, you remember the words "corn" and "facade" are in the title, but you can't remember the author or any other information. Was it "The Children of the Corn Facade"? Or maybe "The Facade of Corn Flakes"?
It is really remarkable that after writing online stories for 25 years, I have a topic today that I’ve both never written about and something I know more about than almost anything else.
That thing is figs.
How did we get to this point? My uncle had a fig tree in his backyard, and we lived at his house 16 years ago. Coincidentally, my father-in-law also had fig trees, so when we bought a new house 14 years ago, we accepted a gift of a fig cutting and planted it in an auspicious backyard location.