Take a vacation with my vocabulary lesson

Posted on July 30, 2001

I'm on vacation right now. I wasn't when I wrote this, but by the time you read it, I should be on the beach somewhere. Because I'm relaxing, I thought maybe you should relax a little too. Unfortunately, there wasn't any room left in the car for readers to go on vacation with me, so instead, your relaxation is going to be reading this.

I visited a great resource for computer-related definitions, Webopedia.com, to give you words you should know. Click on the word and it will take you to the definition. Or, if you still want to be entertained, read what I think the definition should be.

1. Ethernet -- The way doctors communicated during the Civil War. When patients needed an anesthetic, a doctor in the next town was sent an e-mail through the Ethernet.

2. Aloha -- Hawaiian radio transmissions sent to Uganda stating the Civil War has been over for quite some time. There's also "Slotted Aloha," which is an oddly shaped ladle used when serving Hawaiian zip disks.

3. choke packet -- This wrestling move, made famous by the Undertaker, is used when a network (TBS) is flooded with information. It's similar to the Sleeper, only the router does more work.

4. hot potato routing -- Each packet of information is moved around until someone catches it and puts butter, sour cream, salt and pepper on it.

5. LAN -- Most people think LAN is short for local-area network, but I'm convinced it's short for Lando Calrissian, one of the main characters in "The Empire Strikes Back." Lando is an Information Technology genius, which is obvious due to his sidekick Lobot, who is half man, half robot.

6. network interface card -- It can connect your computer to a network, but it also can be used just like a Skip in Uno.

7. Luhn formula -- Quite possibly the most well-known formula on the Web: credit card number+ shopping online = broke person.

8. DNS parking -- Your domain name is left in one of those lots that's right next to the arena but is always roped off, even though all the parking spaces aren't taken.

9. beta test -- VHS tapes must pass this test or else they cannot be sold on the market.

10. JavaBeans -- Java objects will not interact until they have had at least two cups of coffee in the morning, thus the need for JavaBeans.

11. Z-buffering -- When regular buffering fails, especially late at night when they are buffering the floor at the bowling alley, Z-buffering helps keep objects in the right order.

12. Loop -- When someone is nice to you because they want something, then you are nice to them, then they are mean to you, then you wonder why they are mean, then they get meaner, then you ignore them, then they are nice to you again because they want something else.

So there you have it. You can take my definitions or Webopedia's. Mine are cool, but they aren't right. But the Civil War is over. See you when I get back, the beach is calling me.