People are crazy, but that's nothing new

Posted on October 22, 2001

Finally, after what seems like 54 years, I've had time to compile the results of the crazy survey. I'm sure you are probably thinking, "What crazy survey?" Rest assured, there was one, and a few people even participated. There were over 100, so I may end up using the first 100 answers if I ever start my own Family Feud game show.

You did well for the most part, although the average score was a 37.0072993, which includes three people who skipped one question. Those three people are automatically slapped with "One person scored an 80 and gets the Way Too Much Time On His/Her Hands Award for looking through the code to get a 'perfect' score."

Let's take a quick look at each question to see the most popular answer on the board. (Unfortunately, unlike Richard Dawson, I can't walk up and down the aisle and smooch the contestants.)

1. Nearly 68 percent of you said you read the horoscopes occasionally, compared to just eight people who find out what is in the stars for yourself and Fido. The belief that the stars can tell you what will happen to you is scary, considering Miss Cleo is charging by the minute AND by how gullible you are to be fooled by her fake Jamaican accent, mon.

2. A lot of people drink Dr Pepper, but not religiously, as 42 percent answered that it's OK but not the best drink. Studies I've completed have shown the more Dr Pepper you drink, the more psycho you are. Here are my case studies.

3. The more crazy people you know, the more likely you are to be crazy. Unfortunately for you, 42 people surveyed said just about everyone they know is crazy. Did any of you make the really crazy people take the survey? Is that why the scores are so high?

4.Question 4 seemed fairly even, except that not too many people are singing Lionel Ritchie in the shower, and I counted those people as being the least crazy.

5. Eighty-one percent of those surveyed said they do not tape a single show each week. I'm so happy for you, considering that life will go on, even if you didn't find out who the father of Rachel's baby is on "Friends." Or have they shown that episode yet?

7 You really needed to be careful when answering Question 7 because obviously, if you can't remember the extraterrestrial activity, that just means the aliens brainwashed you. But the majority answered none, with 20 percent answering none that you could rem It's a good thing aliens aren't in front of your screen. But the worst score you could get on this question was if you said I'm not crazy. According to the survey, I am, I scored a 42 even without answering this question. Fifty-six percent of you said I'm Only 12 people, besides me, think Wal-Mart is heaven on earth? I cannot believe that. Of course, that also makes me insane, as most of you chose more sensible answers.

10. Are the majority of you (55 percent) saying you like filling these things out or that the results mean nothing or both? That seemed like the craziest answer because you could have spent that time doing something valuable, like weighing paper clips. But I