Future Web site looks to eliminate awful drivers

Posted on July 7, 2003

HONK!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!? DON'T CUT IN FRONT OF ME YOU $#%#$@!!! HONK!!! HONK!!!

If this is you, and you also happen to find yourself saying these things often -- OK, every single time you drive more than 33 inches -- then you may be enthused to know I would like to do something about it.

Yes, soon there could be a way to get back at all of those people who pull up right on your bumper; who say using a turning signal is merely a fad; and who think the word "yield" means "go" and the word "merge" means "get outta my way."

I would like to introduce awfuldrivers.com, the new site I'm planning to develop. The launch date is currently scheduled for 2035. If only I had more time, maybe I could complete it by 2031 or so.

We all know that awful drivers are everywhere. So, at awfuldrivers.com, we want you to be aware of those horrific ones on the road. Any time you see a terrible driver -- maybe one of those really cool guys who zooms up right behind you, tailgates for awhile, then zooms past -- you need to submit only a license plate to the Web site. It will have a database full of registered bad drivers, and they will be ranked according to how rank they truly are.

What if multiple people drive the same car? True, a license plate number alone might not be enough. A description of the person or perhaps an image from an awfuldrivers.com Webcam would expose the bad driver. The best thing about the Webcam is that it attaches to your car hood, top or trunk, and it is about the same size as a Mercedes-Benz ornament. The camera has 10 different angles to shoot and almost always is pointed in the right direction by detecting heat sensitivity of passing vehicles. A remote control device to activate the camera comes standard, including a Velcro strip to attach it to your steering wheel, dashboard or forehead.

It would be embarrassing to be listed on awfuldrivers.com as one of the Top 10 Awful Drivers, but hey, at least you'll receive a certificate announcing your achievement. The site isn't being developed just for ridicule. With the help of your local department of motor vehicles and the police department, awfuldrivers.com will be used as a way to educate the public regarding poor driving.

Let's say you encounter one of those indecisive drivers who seems to drive the exact same speed, right beside you, for 234 miles. The driver passes you, then drives slower in front. Then you go to pass, and the other driver speeds up. You submit the person's license plate and a picture, and the awful driver receives an email regarding his infraction. If he tallies enough of these infractions, he will be required to take online courses to improve his driving techniques and may even be qualified to retake an actual driving test.

Infractions will be weighted based on the submitter. Each day, awfuldrivers.com will have some of the finest traffic investigators finding repeat offenders and keeping the streets clear. The general public can submit bad drivers as well, but those who abuse the system could be forced to take their own driving test.

Much of the system still needs to be fleshed out, but the principle exists. Bad drivers are one thing; awful drivers need to go! So for those of you who don't let others onto the freeway or who keep your bright lights illuminated when traffic goes past you, beware: You may find your photo at awfuldrivers.com in the near future. But considering the launch date, you probably still have at least 28 years of bad driving left in you.