Peeps do not fare well when put to the test

Easter has come and gone like a gypsy caravan once again, but one thing still remains — Easter candy. Checking expiration dates on bags and containers, 1999 Easter candy should last until 2450. People decide to buy candy following the holiday in hopes of big bargains.

A specific type of candy has intrigued many and plagued worldwide analysists with a simple question, "What is a Peep?"

Baseball and math add up

Today we will discuss a simple mathematical equation.

Baseball = Life

On the surface, it's a pretty simple equation. But it can be expanded to read the following: stitches/323(Yankees) * Concession stands^3+tickets - 37(fungoes) = Life

So many firsts, so little time

The race is on for the first millennium baby. Some experts believe the race should start sometime next week. Every year, the first birth is always an interesting event. Think of the accolades the first-born 2000 baby will receive.

Unfortunately, there's a better chance of seeing Burt Reynolds at a polka convention than predicting the day your child will be born.

Be prepared

Hard hat. Check.

Two years' worth of provisions, including 80 cans of Spam and 72 cans of beans. Check.

Can opener. Definite check.

Before preparing for the upcoming Y2K crisis, make a short checklist of necessary items. Because the problems could last until the Y3K crisis, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Is anyone really buying into this? Is a modern computer, which was invented sometime in the mid '50s, really going to believe it went back in time? Even without a flux capacitor or Michael J. Fox's Delorean?

Grandparents

There are at least 56,828 things to do during spring break. If you have a credit card, or know how to use a stolen one, the number grows exponentially. But there is one activity that rarely gets a lot of hype this time of year.

Some people live a paper airplane's throw away from relatives, but most do not. I'm also betting days, fortnights, maybe even months have passed since your last family visit.

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Random News

Use Napster while you can

I've been trying all day to download Macster, a cousin of Napster. It's just not working. At least I have been able to get a few other things taken care of, such as shearing my sheep.

Keep your files and info safe with these simple steps

How many passwords did you have to enter before you

started reading this?

A. 0

B. 1

C. 2

D. I don't remember, but I love watching "Password"

on the Game Show Network.

You must answer two extremely meaningful questions

It's scary to think there are just two questions that can determine your entire life outcome.

What's even more scary are the two questions:

1. Do you think Grimace, the big purple McDonald's guy, stands for cookies or a milkshake?

2. If bits of chocolate are normally called chips, are bits of peanut butter called peanut butter chips or peanut butter morsels?

Visit regional libraries for taste of 'The Developers'

I currently have a stack of books at home that I should be reading. Unfortunately, there's only so much time in the day, so it's difficult to rationalize buying even more books. Still, I manage to do so, with the hopes of eventually reading them, maybe if it snows 7 feet and I cannot leave for a month.

For people who want to read the book but cannot get to a bookstore, a viable option is checking it out from your local library. "The Developers" is available for checkout at the following libraries:

Excerpt from new book

I still have a few more chapters to write, but I would like to share with my readers an early excerpt from my new project. It's a workplace humor memoir (the working title is Polos to Ties) that is based on a job I had two years ago. Let me know what you think!

Instead of finding a new job, which of the following would you rather be doing?

1. Watching the documentary - "The History of Sun Dresses."

2. Watching the story of heterosexuals in the fashion industry, "Pinking Sheers are for Straight Guys too!"

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