JFK learns how to build HTML tables

Those of you who have mastered the art of building a Web site have probably encountered the most important tool known to designers: the protractor.

Coming in second would have to be tables, the backbone to many pages you have visited in your lifetime, or at least within the last three weeks. Tables are the most primitive of the HTML tags because people like to have things in nice readable fashion, excluding tabloid magazines. Most people prefer tabloids that look similar to newspapers more than 40 years ago, which contained at least 343 headlines on each page.

The results are in: Bush, Gore lose to The Golf Channel

I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.

What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?

E-mails overrunning a business near you

Is this what the world is coming to? People sitting 6 inches away from each other will not talk to each other but instead, write short e-mails?

An example:

From: Someone

Sent: November, Wednesday 1, 2000 11:41 AM

To: Someone else

Subject: Outside

Did you see that?

Spooky sites sound all right

Maybe you are one of those people who are completely terrified of computers, the Internet and lemon-flavored cough drops. If so, you probably are no where near being able to read this column, and if I had to guess, you are most likely hiding in a basement in Turkey. That is, if they have basements in Turkey. So if you know someone like this, please print this column immediately and send it to them because it could save their life.

Keep your eyes open when wagering online

I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.

Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.

Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.

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Agent wrapup

For those of you who have been following my literary agent list, you know that I've contacted a boatload of agents. Although some of given "Corporate Ties" favorable responses, I have not obtained an agent.

Well, it's now time to move ahead without one.

Three appearances down, many more to go

I haven't quite made it as far as M.C. Hammer, from London to the Bay, but I have made it to Evansville in Indiana and Owensboro and Brandenburg in Kentucky the past two weekends. I've seen a lot of friends I haven't seen in awhile, and I've also made a few new ones.

Thanks to everyone for coming out to support "The Developers" ... and if I haven't made it to your town yet, hopefully I'll be there soon!

Hate sites that apparently don't suck

Not all people troll the Internet looking for happy things like puppies, flowers and pot pies. While you could certainly find them, they are not nearly as easy to find as corporate hate sites. Maybe hate is a strong word ... then again, after checking out some of them, hate is pretty mild. "Loathe" and "personal vendetta" come to mind when describing them.

Keep people out of your workspace

It happens to everyone ... you're trying to finish some work, but that crazy guy/boss/stalker chick/cougher/obnoxiously loud lady keeps pestering you every five minutes. How do you solve this crisis?

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to CubeGuard. It's essentially a banner you stretch across your cube entrance to keep out unwanted souls, which enables you to "Protect Your Productivity." Choose from a few standard messages or even create your own custom message?

Are there things too obvious to study?

It's rather easy to assume you know something, especially if it's based on previous knowledge that you are familiar with. And there is oftentimes a level of obviousness in certain things that make questioning particular items unnecessary. But at what length would you go to be 100 percent positive something is true?

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