Help me help you with this simple questionnaire

Because I don't know that much about my readers -- for that matter, I don't even know if I have readers -- I'm putting together a short form you can answer while you read. You don't have to, you can just read the column. Just be forewarned there are wild elephants waiting at your doorstep in case you do not fill out your questionnaire. They are extremely ill-tempered.

OK, here goes:
1. How much free time do you spend on the Internet each week?
A. Less than an hour
B. 1-2 hours
C. 3-5 hours
D. 6-10 hours
E. I don't have time to answer the question, I'm spending free time on the Internet
Comment: I'd just like to take this opportunity to personally thank you for answering that last question, even if you completely made up your answer. For instance, let's say you spend 52 hours a day looking at weird sites, yet you chose answer E, bless you.
2. Why do you spend time on the Internet?
A. Keeps the phone lines tied up so telemarketers can't call
B. Trying to learn more about computers and the Web
C. Nothing better to do, except go bowling, and the alleys are closed at 3 a.m.
D. Lots of cool games to play
E. Multiple answers, especially A
Comment: If you seriously cannot find anything better to do, maybe you should get a job. At Monster.com, there are currently 443,939 jobs listed. Surely there's something you are qualified to do. Maybe you can even find a job surfing the Net, that would be cool. Pretty much all of these choices are completely valid, so I'm guessing I'll get a few honest answers.
3. What browser do you use?
A. Internet Explorer
B. Netscape Navigator
C. WebTV
D. Something else
E. Not sure
Comment: If you aren't sure, let me know and I'll help you out. It is kind of important to know what browser you use because you see sites all the time saying "This site is best viewed using Netscape 4.7" or "This site is best viewed standing on your head 30 feet away." That's pretty much how we try to design sites.
4. Do you need a faster Internet connection and/or modem?
A. Yes
B. No
C. Not sure
D. What was the question?
E. I can't answer this question because my Internet connection is too slow.
Comment: Straight text sites shouldn't be bad no matter what type of Internet connection or modem you have. But how much fun is a straight text Web site? Usually if a site is loading too slowly, it's on your end — either the modem or your Internet service provider, not the site itself.
5. Do you purchase things on the Internet?
A. Yes
B. No
C. I would, but I still feel unsafe about security.
D. I would, but I don't have any money.
E. I can't answer this question because my Internet connection is too slow.
Comment: If you need some money, you might want to check out the link to get a job at Monster.com. Otherwise, I'm just curious how many people right now are buying things online. I do, occasionally, if I have the money.
Of course, you can send me any other comments you may have about my column or anything else. I just hope you made it through the questionnaire without the wild elephants stampeding through your door. Don't forget to hit submit! (You will then be taken back to the home page of the site.)