The key to surviving corporate America is to understand its rhetoric. "Organizational change," for instance, can mean that people are being let go, canned, laid off, or, in a softer sense, "given the opportunity to relocate to corporate headquarters."

This is the story of that exact scenario, where a Fortune 500 company closed shop at a profitable subsidiary in a neighboring state. Each person mulled the idea of exchanging a laid-back, business casual dress environment for a cafeteria, a fitness center and a strangling – by a necktie (corporate attire only, please) and organizational bureaucracy.

All of us – the Indian princess/database administrator/Green Card applicant, the volleyball-loving socially awkward company veteran, the Sean Connery imitator and the metrosexual included – reviewed piles of documentation and sat through 54,781 meetings about moving 100 miles north.

After two months, the men and women in suits arrived to document the documents, proactivate the buzzwords and cage the circus animals (aka tech support). Was the job worth uprooting families and lives? And why exactly do people give up their independence to become company drones?

I pledge allegiance
to the brand
of the corporation that hired me,
and to the bottom line
for which it stands,
one company,
under innumerable upper and middle management,
conflicted,
with paychecks and pink slips for all.

Latest News

Facebook giveaway for "Corporate Ties"

October 12, 2011 - The Goodreads giveaway for Corporate Ties has been a huge success. I had almost 400 people sign up to receive a free copy of my new book. Of course, not everyone is on Goodreads, so I thought I'd also do a Facebook giveaway. I'm giving away signed copies of the book to three random individuals who "Like" the Corporate Ties Facebook page.



Updates

January 10, 2011 - I haven't had a chance to post much on my blog lately. I think most people know why I haven't ... baby on the way, new house, a bunch of new websites and a new book. Anyway, I don't want to quit on the blog completely, but I'll probably consider a new format at some point, especially since I will be contributing to the Spumoni Press blog as well. Until then, be sure to check out spumonipress.com, as well as my latest post - First year = crazy year.



Delays

November 08, 2010 - I had expected this note would give you an exact date, preferably in December, to announce the launch of "Corporate Ties." Unfortunately, it will have to wait a bit longer. I've been slightly busier this fall than anticipated … we purchased a house, we're preparing for a baby in March, among other things. The good news is that once I have a decent block of time to devote to the book, I should be able to finish it.

About the author

Ben Woods is a freelance writer who has written workplace- and humor-related articles for Belo Corporation and Scripps Interactive Newspaper Group websites, American City Business Journal newspapers and other technology and independent media websites. His first book, a tech-humor fiction novel titled "The Developers," delves into government conspiracy, online privacy and crazy people on the Internet.

He works in Baltimore as a web developer for Advertising.com, a Time Warner AOL subsidiary and the largest online display advertising network in the U.S. and U.K. During the past five years, he has held full-time computer programming positions with companies large and small, collected a stack of employee manuals and health insurance cards and worked with a litany of CEOs, PMPs, BBMs and A-HOLEs.

Woods (shown here while being suffocated with a necktie in the Amazon rainforest) has a journalism degree from Purdue University and is working on a master's degree in Professional Studies at Towson University in Baltimore.