Answers to your darkest, deepest, imaginary questions
I decided to open up the mailbag and answer some of the questions that readers have asked me recently. Then I realized that I'm not Santa Claus, and people don't send me letters. This isn't completely true, as I did portray Santa in a third-grade Christmas play, even though I ripped part of the suit just before the play began.
So I don't have any letters with questions, just comments about various columns. But this will not stop me from answering some of those questions that people actually have, but are just afraid to ask.
Q: Whatever happened with that compatibility test? I expected the person
with whom I was compatible to show up on my doorstep for a date.
- Cher, California
A: Cher, you didn't fare so well. Only one person was compatible with you, and no, I didn't get that person's address. I was fairly impressed with my distribution, and even without asking for gender, the numbers on both sides came out pretty equal. Here are the results, from most to least compatible:
| Name | Pct. |
| Halle Berry | 21.08 |
| Denzel Washington | 16.14 |
| Britney Spears | 14.80 |
| Ben Affleck | 13.00 |
| Brad Pitt | 12.56 |
| Ricky Martin | 7.62 |
| Julia Roberts | 7.62 |
| Jennifer Lopez | 2.24 |
| Shania Twain | 2.24 |
| Sean Connery | 1.79 |
| Cher | 0.45 |
| Elton John | 0.45 |
If you missed out the first time, click here to take the test. Some people took the test multiple times, I guess in hopes of being compatible with as many people as possible. I also want to apologize to those people who were disappointed that I didn't include Carrot Top on the list of celebrities. But for the most part, people who took the test came out with the right person.
Q: So what's so big about this Sobig virus? And what about that other
one? I don't have these viruses, but I'm still getting the virus through email.
- Mac N. Tosh, New York
A: Fortunately, those viruses won't harm people using Macs. Unfortunately, most of you guys are on the Windows platform. Wednesday was the first day in quite some time that I had not received a single virus email. The way this works, from what I understand, is that the virus grabs people's email address books, then sends the virus using those addresses. At the same time, it already comes with an email address list gathered by the last infection, so it uses both lists to set the From address as well as sending to a particular person. That is why some of those viruses look as if they are being sent from friends.
My advice: Don't open those emails with attachments! If you are going to open an email with an attachment, just make sure it isn't infected. Also, it's critical to have anti-virus software on your machine, and to run Windows Update at least once a month.
Q: Should I throw my Windows machine away? Or will these security updates
actually work one day?
- Mike Rosoft, Texas
A: Definitely don't throw your machine away, unless you can't upgrade past Windows 95. Actually, Microsoft supports only Windows XP and Windows 2000 now, so your best bet is to purchase a computer that can at least run these operating systems.
I am partial to the Mac operating system, but XP is pretty cool. We need both platforms to efficiently run our business, so I would never advocate getting rid of Windows altogether.
Q: Can I send you technical questions?
- E. John, England
A: Sure. Just send them to . I'll try to answer them in upcoming columns. If you want them answered this year, I recommend sending them before Dec. 24. I get a little busy that night.
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